Just once...

I would like to go to a restaurant by myself, and not have to speak the entire meal with someone from the staff, who must think that dining alone means available as company to the first person who has no tables to attend. I know this sounds mean, but in this case, I don’t think it’s all about me and my personality. I don’t mind having a friendly chat with someone every once in a while, but I am tired of answering the same nosy questions. And yes, this is a cultural thing more than one of manners, but only the men want to talk to me, and that gets on my nerves.

It is commonplace here to ask age, marital status, what someone has done in the day, or where someone is going later. I know I am a Westerner, and that we tend to keep our personal info private, but after 9 months in Bali, I am still surprised when locals don’t pick up on my attempts to evade answering them. When asked where you live, giving the general area (or even a street name) is not quite enough. The exact latitude, longitude, and altitude is what is desired by this inquiry. Oh I’m sorry, Putu… I forgot to bring my GPS. Not to mention, and yes I swear I have been asked this on numerous occasions by strangers, how much I pay for rent. My income has also been desired, as well as similarly personal info on my boyfriend (or in the present case, my fictitious one that I often allude to in order to get people to back off).

My imaginary boyfriend has been very helpful here, especially while trying to get some relaxation on the beach. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the water… he’s a surfer” has proved to be the magic phrase. And to be fair, the foreign tourist men are just as big a pain in my ass, except they tend to employ the traditional, cut-to-the-chase pick up phrases. Being approached by unwanted company is of the annoyances of being a lone female here, but I am learning how to deal with it, and I actually think it is good for me. I’m forced to build some assertiveness and to not be so accommodating, as I usually am by default.

I’m still trying to figure out how to just tell someone that I want to be left alone. I guess it should be as simple as saying, “I would like to be alone.” But it’s hard for me to just say that. And I guess my point is, I don’t want to have to say that. I also don’t want to have to lie, or say that I am waiting for someone. Random approaches do not seem natural to me. They are too forced. It makes sense to ask where someone is from. But it makes sense after you have already established some verbal contact. It does not make sense to approach a sleeping female on the beach, peruse her from head to toe, and then ask where she is from. It does not make sense to walk up to a person eating a meal, and ask where they live. That’s just how I feel. And now I am just ranting. Case closed. I cannot expect others to change, I just have to change how I feel about being approached, and how I react in such situations.