Just saying no!

It’s been almost two years since I ditched taking any prescription medications. When I stopped, I was on two separate “maintenance” drugs to keep my skin clear. They were two different strands of antibiotics that were to be alternated every other day, in order to keep the effect of the meds after having taken antibiotics for probably the four years prior. Not long before I quit meds, I had a short relationship with an anti-depressant, and another mood enhancement pill, which were prescribed when I was diagnosed with an eating disorder.

So anyway, at one point I was on four different meds, and I can’t say any of them worked so great. I abruptly (probably too abruptly) stopped the mood meds, and not long after I arrived in Rome, the August after my college graduation, I decided that I would have clear skin without antibiotics. Just like that, I decided. And I made a promise to myself that I would live prescription-free forever, along with my decision to ban medical insurance of any type. This might sound strange, but I still stand strong on my decision. You know something… my skin has been better since I made that decision, and I have found alternate ways to handle my mental health. Yes, we all get sick sometimes… and this week has been a perfect example for me, since I am not feeling so peachy. But I think it is possible to make up your mind to be well, and to not rely on pills, programs, or prescriptions. I know that internal feelings are the strongest determinant of physical health.

I regret having been on antibiotics for so long, because I am pretty sure they have messed with my internal flora to the point that I haven’t seemed to find my balance since I stopped them (won’t go into detail, but I know they left their after effects). So I’m straying a bit… but my point was that my back is bothering me again today, which I know is directly caused by emotional stress, and I have decided to temporarily pop some OTC pain pills to ease the tension. Not long after I took them, I began to feel nauseous, sweaty, and by body heat rose substantially. What does this tell me? That my body has adjusted to taking less medication, and it was actually trying to fight off the foreign substance that I put in it for the purpose of fighting off the unwanted pain. This makes me wish I had never taken the pills. I have the ability to heal myself, and to withstand a small amount of discomfort, without ingesting a man-made chemical cocktail that will have its own dose of side effects.

I’m so done with pharmaceuticals… not to mention how corrupt the companies that make them are. They WANT us to be sick, so we can keep buying more pills. Hello! So long story short, more power to those who decide medicine is the first go-to for ailments. I’m not saying I will never take meds ever again, but I personally am going to try to stay as natural as possible when it comes to healing (like the delicious papaya smoothie I had today, which beats any anti-inflammation drugs with flying colors). I’m not becoming one of those fanatic holistic hippies, but to be honest, that’s the direction I would prefer to take. So Pfizer, you can kiss my holistic ass. And your CIO with his highly complex, decentralized IT department (couldn’t resist throwing that work allusion in there). :)

Japanese people intrigue me.

There are so many tourists here from Japan, and I always find myself staring at them. It seems they are either pale white, carrying an umbrella to protect from the sun… or they are chocolate brown, with a beach bod and surf gear. Japanese fashion interests me also. It is so eclectic and unique. They are not afraid to express themselves and experiment with wacky stuff. I knew the day I saw “Lost in Translation” that Tokyo is a city I’d visit in this lifetime. Now I’m sure of it. There’s just something about Japanese people…

Just once...

I would like to go to a restaurant by myself, and not have to speak the entire meal with someone from the staff, who must think that dining alone means available as company to the first person who has no tables to attend. I know this sounds mean, but in this case, I don’t think it’s all about me and my personality. I don’t mind having a friendly chat with someone every once in a while, but I am tired of answering the same nosy questions. And yes, this is a cultural thing more than one of manners, but only the men want to talk to me, and that gets on my nerves.

It is commonplace here to ask age, marital status, what someone has done in the day, or where someone is going later. I know I am a Westerner, and that we tend to keep our personal info private, but after 9 months in Bali, I am still surprised when locals don’t pick up on my attempts to evade answering them. When asked where you live, giving the general area (or even a street name) is not quite enough. The exact latitude, longitude, and altitude is what is desired by this inquiry. Oh I’m sorry, Putu… I forgot to bring my GPS. Not to mention, and yes I swear I have been asked this on numerous occasions by strangers, how much I pay for rent. My income has also been desired, as well as similarly personal info on my boyfriend (or in the present case, my fictitious one that I often allude to in order to get people to back off).

My imaginary boyfriend has been very helpful here, especially while trying to get some relaxation on the beach. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the water… he’s a surfer” has proved to be the magic phrase. And to be fair, the foreign tourist men are just as big a pain in my ass, except they tend to employ the traditional, cut-to-the-chase pick up phrases. Being approached by unwanted company is of the annoyances of being a lone female here, but I am learning how to deal with it, and I actually think it is good for me. I’m forced to build some assertiveness and to not be so accommodating, as I usually am by default.

I’m still trying to figure out how to just tell someone that I want to be left alone. I guess it should be as simple as saying, “I would like to be alone.” But it’s hard for me to just say that. And I guess my point is, I don’t want to have to say that. I also don’t want to have to lie, or say that I am waiting for someone. Random approaches do not seem natural to me. They are too forced. It makes sense to ask where someone is from. But it makes sense after you have already established some verbal contact. It does not make sense to approach a sleeping female on the beach, peruse her from head to toe, and then ask where she is from. It does not make sense to walk up to a person eating a meal, and ask where they live. That’s just how I feel. And now I am just ranting. Case closed. I cannot expect others to change, I just have to change how I feel about being approached, and how I react in such situations.

My doctor said Mylanta. Again.

Last night I had a really nice dinner from one of my favorite restaurants in Bali. The place, like many of the less expensive dining establishments, doesn’t really have a name. And if it does, nobody will ever call it by that. People will say, “Let’s go eat at that place down the street that has surf boards inside as decorations… the one next to the Indian place that has lots of pillows.” That’s how I’d give directions to go there anyway.

I ordered my favorite vegetable, steamed broccoli florets, which are quickly sautéed first in a very light garlic butter, but still left with much of their crunch. They give you a generous serving, which I could not save for later. I had to devour all of it, even though I really had no space for it. It was so good.

Right now I am sitting here on the porch, watching palm trees and listening to the doves make their morning calls to each other. I’m having breakfast: plain yogurt with pineapple chunks, with a dash of virgin coconut oil and a sprinkle of grape nuts on top, and a nice double espresso coffee. Do you see any patterns in my eating habits? Can you say… (insert doomful orchestra sound: da da da dum)… Acid. My diet is so acidic, and my body is thanking me with a generous dose of heartburn and reflux. I have become like a pregnant woman, popping calcium loaded chalk tablets every few hours. I drink a lot of milk, usually about a carton a day, but that doesn’t seem to help much. Acid seems to be lurking in all the foods I love and crave: in the fruit, the veggies, the dairy, the beverages, it’s everywhere!

Does anybody have any advice for neutralizing foods or habits, besides drinking milk? I don’t want to give up my staple foods, but I can’t seem to find a balance. In a tropical environment, you just wanna cut a lime wedge and squeeze it on everything. That’s just how it is. And oh yeah… I discovered already that drinking water to “relieve” acid does not work, and carbonated drinks are like a death sentence. But any advice on the subject would be much appreciated. Now let me pop some chalk.

Polite or just phony?

Today I was wondering... at what point is politeness really being phony? Most of my life, I have made a point to be polite to people, sometimes even just to tell them what I know they want to hear, even if I would not naturally be inclined to say those things. The intentions behind doing so are not to be fake. The intentions are to make the other person feel good. But when I really stop to dissect the underlying intention behind this, it is really so that I will appear nicer in the person`s eyes. And this is really just so that I will be liked more. I never even knew what it felt like to ditch the politeness and only say what I really felt. And to be honest, it is a scary thought. What if I didn't have to say I liked something someone gave to me? What if I didn't have to say thank you the next day for something I had already said thank you for? And what if I didn't smile and nod when I heard something that I really didn`t agree with, but that I felt no need of arguing? My philosophy has always been... if it doesn't hurt me, and it can make them feel better, then give it to them. And I always thought this was the right way of seeing things. But now, I think I am just being phony. And I am starting to think that all forms of politeness are phony in a certain way. Most of the time, its just based on a moral/social code that somehow we all decided was the correct way to act. But I think most people have adopted this code to such a point that they have abandoned their true nature. Why is it so refreshing when a person comes out of nowhere with a blunt, and totally unrehearsed comment? Because we all, deep down, wish we could be that way. I'm gonna have to work on this with myself. I have been too worried about how others see me.

On dreaming...

I have been experiencing extra lucid dreams for the past month or so. And to be honest, I really enjoy them. Even the not-so-great ones. Sometimes I purposely prolong my sleep just so I can stay in the dream state. But the thing is, I can do this without waking. I can know in my dream that I do not want to wake yet, and I can prevent myself from doing so. Pretty cool I think. There is something about the unpredictability of dreams that really amazes me. And to think, its all created directly by us. So dreams must be, in one way or another, intentional. Anyway, last night I had a dream in which I was attacked by a shark. I was swimming in the ocean, and I was the first person to detect the shark in the water. When I got out before anyone else, the shark made its way to the shore, and attacked me out of all people. It bit off the back of my left shoulder... I was afraid to lose my arm, but only the shoulder muscle was torn away. Afterward, I was left with a very free feeling, like I knew that things would be easier after this terrible accident. I went to the hospital (which looked like the inside of a JC Penney store, lol) and mom visited me, bearing very childish gifts. Like stuff you would give a 5-year-old. Harmony came to see me also. I'm not sure why I was so intrigued by this dream, but I really wanted to see what would happen after the hospital, and why I was so damn happy. Well I guess this blog entry is really going no where . I just wanted to say how much I love dreams. I wonder what will happen tonight!

The choice is yours.

No matter where we are, no matter what the circumstances, we ALWAYS have a choice. This is the basis of our human freedom, that the ultimate power lies within us no matter what. You can be on your last breath and choose to laugh. You can be starving and still be full of hope. You can throw a punch or give a hug. You can be destitute and in the middle of a war, and choose to join the fight, or live for the peace. You can spend your last twenty bucks on a train ticket, or a lottery ticket, a buffet ticket, or a ticket to a baseball game. You can save it, or you can give it away. Or you can tear it to pieces. These are our choices. And they are never-ending. What will you do today? Save someone’s life? Save your own life? Make a major change, or just make a pizza? Think about it. In all moments, the power is never exhausted. It can never be. What a liberating thought!