Hot wax

Swift sting
instant knowing
it was all nothing.

What a gift…
how often do we realize
the pain is over?

Hey everybody who loves me...

I am safe! I am ok! I could not have chosen a better place to live right now, and despite being alone, all is really very lovely in Leah Land. There is less crime here than in the greater Washington Metro area. This is a peaceful culture. And though I may speak of my trials and annoyances of the human male species, I carry my head high when I walk the streets (with a slight grin always lurking on the inside). I have lived places where I couldn't even walk the streets without having a panic attack, and this is SO heaven in comparison. I have friends here... many. And no matter what, I am safe. Ok, done. Just wanted to throw that in the mix. Love you!

Now Playing on Leah's iPod

Jack Johnson, with a sprinkle of Mana. It just fits my mood... contemplative, imaginative, a little torn, but refolding the paper into some pretty cool oragami. :)

Would you like pride with that?

I haven’t sat down to watch TV in a really long time. Some of the shops and restaurants here have TVs playing, and I am just so over it. In the evenings, I sometimes catch a few glimpses of an Indonesian version of American Idol. There are young girls on the stage covered in make-up, and a flamboyantly “happy” judge on the panel that counsels them on their fashion faux pas, their hair styles, and their lack of voice training (which he demonstrates by singing their own songs back to them in a very feminine voice). I know many non-western countries tend to trail western pop-culture trends, but really… aren’t we globally over this stuff yet? Guess not.

Today as I hobbled with my bad back to get some food, I saw that MTV was on in one of the restaurants. “Pimp My Ride” is still on the air. Come on MTV, are we serious? Not only does this program have absolutely nothing to do with “music television”, other than its potted-out, played-out host “X to the Z, Xzibit!” (if you call what he spews music), but how many hoopties in south LA must we “pimp-out” with the latest 17-foot rims, 35-foot sub woofers, and theatrical hydraulics? It’s a cultural joke. And we are the punch line.

Am I over-simplifying the simpleness? Maybe, but it’s just too damn easy. Call me cynical… but somebody please remind me why I should be “proud to be an American” again? Because the word “proud” would imply some degree of deliberate identity and comradeship with the collective whole that is described, but I do not really feel that way. Yes, I am very often thankful to have been born within the borders of the landmass that is named The United States of America. I am thankful to have been offered a decent education, most natural human rights, and a relatively generous economy. But I have lived on 4 continents, and I have used my civil liberty of getting the hell out when I have so chosen. And when you strain your eyes to see the poetic American apple pie from afar, it starts to look more and more like a rectangular crust in a cardboard jacket from the McDonalds dollar menu. But hey, “at least I know I’m free”.

Just saying no!

It’s been almost two years since I ditched taking any prescription medications. When I stopped, I was on two separate “maintenance” drugs to keep my skin clear. They were two different strands of antibiotics that were to be alternated every other day, in order to keep the effect of the meds after having taken antibiotics for probably the four years prior. Not long before I quit meds, I had a short relationship with an anti-depressant, and another mood enhancement pill, which were prescribed when I was diagnosed with an eating disorder.

So anyway, at one point I was on four different meds, and I can’t say any of them worked so great. I abruptly (probably too abruptly) stopped the mood meds, and not long after I arrived in Rome, the August after my college graduation, I decided that I would have clear skin without antibiotics. Just like that, I decided. And I made a promise to myself that I would live prescription-free forever, along with my decision to ban medical insurance of any type. This might sound strange, but I still stand strong on my decision. You know something… my skin has been better since I made that decision, and I have found alternate ways to handle my mental health. Yes, we all get sick sometimes… and this week has been a perfect example for me, since I am not feeling so peachy. But I think it is possible to make up your mind to be well, and to not rely on pills, programs, or prescriptions. I know that internal feelings are the strongest determinant of physical health.

I regret having been on antibiotics for so long, because I am pretty sure they have messed with my internal flora to the point that I haven’t seemed to find my balance since I stopped them (won’t go into detail, but I know they left their after effects). So I’m straying a bit… but my point was that my back is bothering me again today, which I know is directly caused by emotional stress, and I have decided to temporarily pop some OTC pain pills to ease the tension. Not long after I took them, I began to feel nauseous, sweaty, and by body heat rose substantially. What does this tell me? That my body has adjusted to taking less medication, and it was actually trying to fight off the foreign substance that I put in it for the purpose of fighting off the unwanted pain. This makes me wish I had never taken the pills. I have the ability to heal myself, and to withstand a small amount of discomfort, without ingesting a man-made chemical cocktail that will have its own dose of side effects.

I’m so done with pharmaceuticals… not to mention how corrupt the companies that make them are. They WANT us to be sick, so we can keep buying more pills. Hello! So long story short, more power to those who decide medicine is the first go-to for ailments. I’m not saying I will never take meds ever again, but I personally am going to try to stay as natural as possible when it comes to healing (like the delicious papaya smoothie I had today, which beats any anti-inflammation drugs with flying colors). I’m not becoming one of those fanatic holistic hippies, but to be honest, that’s the direction I would prefer to take. So Pfizer, you can kiss my holistic ass. And your CIO with his highly complex, decentralized IT department (couldn’t resist throwing that work allusion in there). :)