Wow. I’m a strange creature. I’ve never been able to live up to the standard, expected human emotional reactions in most situations. But I never expected to wake up this morning… after being dumped, having cried in the dark on the hammock to the melancholy Mexican love songs of Mana, that I would wake up feeling so refreshed and awake, powerful even, and ready to begin a day of intentional feelings and actions. I was shocked and completely hurt by what went down last night. But there’s a line in the movie “The Air I Breathe” that goes something along the lines of, “Sometimes being totally f*cked can be an extremely liberating experience.” I have already decided not to get caught up in the post drama drama, and I feel better than I have felt on normal mornings when everything was supposedly just fine. I feel like I have reverted to inner-Leah, the one who trusts herself, is quick to act on knowing, and is not afraid. I hope she sticks around for a little while, because I definitely don’t need to mourn right now. It does not match where I was headed. And I cannot afford to head in any direction but good.
3 comments:
I am glad to hear you are feeling positive. Just know you may have ups and downs but if you make a serious effort each day to feel good then you are half way there!
XOXO
Just wanted to say I love you. And you are so right that it has nothing to do with your worthiness, if anything it's the opposite.
"But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all..."
You are most definitely okay. The paradox is you are the most ALIVE when you feel like you cannot live...Remember, as Matthew always says, you are hear to use ALL the colors in your crayon box...
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