I’m tired. Today ended not so great. Long distance phone calls do not work when one of the people does not do phones. That person would be me. I have a strong aversion to phone communication. I think it has something to do with my personality, which tends to choose between extremes. For me, it’s either in-your-face, one-on-one conversation (preferably sprinkled through a normal daily life that we actually share), or it’s a message here and there via internet or postcard. If we do not share daily life, I prefer not to fill you in with a play-by-play of what’s going down, and how I’ve been feeling. It’s just not easy for me to offer up a synopsis with someone listening on the other line. I know it’s strange. I’m not sure how to explain it.
I don’t like being asked “How are you?” by phone. Even if I am good, and the question is well-meaning, I always get a lump in my throat, and my thoughts start to paralyze. “What did you do today?” will conjure similar reactions from me. I have no clue why this happens. I don’t like to fill in the gaps between my life and others’ lives on the phone. When the physical circumstances are impersonal, I prefer that the communication match. That way you can tell me what’s really on your mind, I can do the same, and there’s little small talk. I hate small talk. Maybe this sounds cold. Maybe I just get nervous on the phone, and I don’t know why or how...
Anyway, today ended with a phone call that did not go well, and it was my fault. Today also marks 3 weeks that I have been alone here. I wish I didn’t detach from people so easily. I always have. I love them and think about them often, but I don’t lack them.
Ok, we are having a tiny earthquake tremor RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE! MY BED IS SWAYING. THIS IS WIERD! It stopped.
If anything were to happen like a bad earthquake, yes, I would call the people I loved, and I would wish to be near them. But when the news of the day is that the temperature raised 2 degrees and Bush said something stupid, I don’t like to pretend there is more news than that. Wow, sounds insensitive. It would take an earthquake to get me to want to talk on the phone to my loved ones? LOL… I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but I am too tired to explain. I just hope tomorrow I can make things better to the person I made feel bad on the phone. I’m going to sleep, good night. I hope my bed does not move again.
I don’t like being asked “How are you?” by phone. Even if I am good, and the question is well-meaning, I always get a lump in my throat, and my thoughts start to paralyze. “What did you do today?” will conjure similar reactions from me. I have no clue why this happens. I don’t like to fill in the gaps between my life and others’ lives on the phone. When the physical circumstances are impersonal, I prefer that the communication match. That way you can tell me what’s really on your mind, I can do the same, and there’s little small talk. I hate small talk. Maybe this sounds cold. Maybe I just get nervous on the phone, and I don’t know why or how...
Anyway, today ended with a phone call that did not go well, and it was my fault. Today also marks 3 weeks that I have been alone here. I wish I didn’t detach from people so easily. I always have. I love them and think about them often, but I don’t lack them.
Ok, we are having a tiny earthquake tremor RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE! MY BED IS SWAYING. THIS IS WIERD! It stopped.
If anything were to happen like a bad earthquake, yes, I would call the people I loved, and I would wish to be near them. But when the news of the day is that the temperature raised 2 degrees and Bush said something stupid, I don’t like to pretend there is more news than that. Wow, sounds insensitive. It would take an earthquake to get me to want to talk on the phone to my loved ones? LOL… I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but I am too tired to explain. I just hope tomorrow I can make things better to the person I made feel bad on the phone. I’m going to sleep, good night. I hope my bed does not move again.
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